My life, though an epic one so far, wasn't easy. I've lived through tremendous pain and even tragedy. I was tried again and again. My will broken, and my faith questioned. I had so many moments of being close to giving up. But somehow, something in me wouldn't let go. I had a persistent stubbornness, an unwavering sense of faith that I would find my way home, home to myself, back to my heart.

I just knew I could heal. I knew there would be a way, even if I couldn't see it at the time. I would look in the mirror and count my scars. Oh, so many battles, so many wars have been fought. So much tragedy in the name of love. So much betrayal with the promise of a better tomorrow.

I knew as I set out for this journey that what I seek is within me; I just didn't see what. Break the shell, I was told. Get out of the mold. Surrender; let go of your dreams. Give your will to me, I, I will deliver you from all sinful reactions – do not fear, do not fear, do not fear.

And I tried. Oh boy, did I try. As a faithful stonemason, I just kept hammering. Chiseling away at my heart, bleeding the life out of my soul. It hurts? I must be getting closer. Is it painful? You're on the right path, I was told.

But somehow, somewhere… something within was crying for help. Something within me, an invisible voice kept whispering, reach for the light. Dive within; it is you you've been seeking; it is you you're looking for.

Everything around seemed so dim. Darkness was all over, and all I could see. So how? do you ask? – How did it change?! I don't know. It just happened. From deep within, a shimmering light began to emerge. A knowing, a calling, a purpose. 

A journey I started when I was eight has seemingly just begun. I was asleep and fell into a dark cloud. But now? Today? It seems Brother Sun has illuminated my soul. It is all so clear, and each and every moment has its place. Even in the darkest of times, still, there I was, waiting -- patiently. My heart knew all along. Looking back, I realize that sometimes, in calling the shiniest light, one has to face the darkest of darkness.

I write these words in bliss. Not happiness but bliss. My wildest dreams of back then pale in comparison to the reality of today. Falling in love with myself is no longer an ideal, no longer mere words I repeat. Love has found its safe harbor in me, and I, my solace in her.

I write these words in hopes that for someone, they will be a lighthouse amidst a blackened oceanic night. A reminder that the truth you seek is truly there. That love eventually finds its way against all odds. That your heart knows and has always known. Never give up, never give up, and never give up. Seek, ask for help, ask for a northern star to light your path. Have faith, not hope - faith. Faith that you've already handled this situation, that you've called in this darkness so you can see how bright and shining you truly are.

Look within. Smile often. Hug somebody and give with all that you've got. You do, no matter what, know your truth. You do, no matter what, know your worth. You're not enough, my friend; you are plenty. You have and always had everything you'll ever need.

I write these words with tears in my eyes, as I never imagined in those dark, horrific nights that I'd ever see the dawn of loving myself so deeply. Of living with such knowing, such profound peace. And don't get me wrong, life will always challenge you, helping you constantly grow. But it's not a monologue; life has no final say. It's a dance, a togetherness that we're privileged to experience. Life says this, and you give meaning as that. Life says -- that, and you say okay, but also - this.

And so, if you're still breathing, you still have the final say. The conversation is still going on. Your life is a poem that is still being written. But even when, one day, you'll take your final breath, even then, life will say – 'okay – so how about that!' And you'll say – well, this is a beginning of a wonderful friendship. An invitation to explore a whole new depth of an unknown experience. Life – see you on the other side.

For me and my journey, the key that unlocked all doors was gratitude. Oh sister Gratitude, where have we not been? She brought me to my knees with tears of devotion and lifted me to the heights while soaring the infinite sky. She taught me the mystical ways of nurturing a prayerful heart. She taught me the songs of the sages and shown me the ways of the wise. Investing in that relationship was probably the smartest thing I've ever done.

And so, my dearest friend, I thank you. I thank you for listening. For opening your heart to me. For inspiring me when I wake and allowing my creative flow to keep on flowing. For letting me love so fully and share my spirit in all of its colors.

All that I have found and all that I came to realize is how deeply we are connected and truly a reflection of one another. You are, as am I, perfectly imperfect. Flawed and incomplete. But in that, in that lies your beauty. In that lies your greatness. Just there, in that imperfect perfection, you are, and always will be, utterly divine.

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I write these words in reflection of thirteen and a half years of my life where I lived in a cult under the control of a narcissistic so-called guru and had my freedom taken from me and my light hidden from view. It has taken years to heal and understand, find forgiveness for myself, and awaken from that horrible dream. Yet, today, looking at who I have chosen to become, because and despite that part of my life's journey, I am proud and full of faith. I understand today why I had to choose to walk towards the darkest of dark; it was necessary for the emergence of the light I choose to fill in my life with today.