For the Love of Arrogance
An insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people. An attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
I often hear others remark that I am very arrogant. That I am full of my self. I’ve written before about being full of self, but wanted to really pay attention and write about arrogance. They are different after all.
For many years I’ve lived my life with the notion that being a spiritual aspirant meant quieting your own voice, hiding behind the scene, being humbler than the blade of grass and allowing others - a teacher, a shaman, a master to shine their light instead.
And boy did I try. I have done anything in my power to destroy, deconstruct and demolish my own voice, my own light – my ego. Thankfully, I had ample help from gurus, teachers and charlatans who did their utmost best to help me succeed in that task.
After over 13 years of living in the most extreme example of this concept, I have decided, since the “holy grail” I was seeking was not to be found in this incredible age-old technique, to consider a different approach.
In a way, I have given up the idea that I will find that which I set to seek. That the ungraspable state of enlightenment was simply not for me. I tried to convince myself to stop any form of spiritual practice. Eventually I succeeded. Yet, since you can’t fail at failing and I stopped trying to succeed, the un-failure of my successful attempts became apparent. I no longer meditated as a practice, with a goal to desire something out of my reach; I just sat there, aimlessly, with no goal in sight. Allowing, accepting my utmost defeat. Out of the blue, as the most unexpected gesture, I allowed life to succeed in failing within me. To be a hollow space where the effort to be filled ceased to exist.
The realization dawned on me that any attempt to be, to move, to extend yourself to be anything but who and what you already are, as you are, in this present moment is absolutely a step in magnifying the illusion that something has to be done in order for you to find yourself. You, I, we… have never been lost.
There was never a need for my voice to be silenced. Never a need to be humble, meek or unseen. There was no need to destroy myself, hide myself or fight my shadow. No need to deny myself from ease or comfort, deny my self from beauty or love. No need to empty my cup.
My words, my voice are my art, my music. My unique expression. I speak with utter authority and clear knowing that my soul’s poetry is the absolute truth.
An insulting way of thinking or behaving that comes from believing that you are better, smarter, or more important than other people.
Here lies the difference. My truth is absolutely subjective. It has nothing to do with you. My words are not a map for you to follow, nor do I hold the secrets to your mysterious universe. I am a musician. I have nothing to teach. My words are my harmonies. An expression of an undulating wave crashing into and within itself.
My words and my art are nothing but my own offering to myself, an offering to the vastness of my own unknowing. When you read my words, you are invited to hear me sing in the shower. When you read my poetry, it is nothing more than an invitation to be a visitor within my own mind. Nothing more than me thinking, writing, singing – out loud.
Again, I speak with utter authority and clear knowing that my soul’s poetry is the absolute truth. The absolute truth ----- for me. My words do not, in any shape way or form imply that I am better, smarter, or more important than you. In my world, in my own being-ness I am my greatest star. I marvel at my own mystery. My greatness, my fullness, and more than anything how deeply I grasp my unknowing. My deep understanding of not being able to understand.
If you look at nature, the magnificence of one tree never implies that other trees, flowers or birds are in any way less magnificent. If one peacock is flashing its feathers, not a single blade of grass will feel more humility or meekness in witnessing that sight. There will be not even one cloud that will blush in appreciation or flee with intimidation.
An attitude of superiority manifested in an overbearing manner or in presumptuous claims or assumptions.
To be more than, or less than you have to assume. You have to assume a center from which you can project a perspective of comparison. But for that you have to know where and more importantly what your center is. In other words, you need to know who you really are. For me to assume that you are arrogant, claiming that you are more than me, I need to conceive that I am less, or at least, know myself to be a solid place of existence. A non-moving still point of reference from which I can compare myself with others.
Same goes to a perceived feeling of superiority or its twin sister - inferiority. For both, you still need that same point of reference from which one side will be up and the other down. One superior another inferior. But try… and look inside, where does that center lie?
To come out of this vortex of words… of confusing ideas of high and low, more or less. All that is required is for you to just be. To shine your beauty and offer gratitude to the beauty around you. To express your voice in song and be filled with the symphony of life. In each of its magnificent creations.
If I am me, because you are you, and you are you, because I am me, if I try to hold you back from being you, how can I still hold myself to be me? maybe... instead of remarking that someone else is arrogant, try that on for size yourself. Be big. Be full. Shine your light so bright, so magically that others will be inspired to shine as bright too.